Let’s Talk About Planning
Congratulations on your engagement!
You’re still staring at that gorgeous ring on your hand when the endless questions begin. “When’s the wedding?”, “Where’s the wedding going to be?”, “Who’s in the bridal party?”
After a while, the panic sets in. So many questions, so many decisions to make! It’s the biggest party you’ll ever plan and you don’t want to get it wrong. Every small decision feels like a huge decision. Here’s what I suggest:
Step 1
Take an hour, grab your favorite drinks and have you and your fiancée go to separate locations in your home. Yes, separate locations. The goal is for each of you to envision your perfect wedding day individually. We’ll get to planning it together soon, I promise. You’ve got your drink, you’re sitting in your favorite spot. Now, close your eyes and think about the perfect wedding day. Imagine yourself there, you’re getting ready with your favorite people around you, you can’t wait to see your fiancée and get the party started.
What does that day look like?
Feel like?
Sound like?
Taste like?
Now open your eyes and write it down. Be as descriptive as you like, or use bullet points, whatever works for you.
Whether it’s a casual beachside get together for two dozen close friends and family, or a fancy Gatsby style gala for several hundred at a historic hotel, this is where you begin. Now circle the three key words that are really important to you.
Is it dancing til dawn to a great cover band?
The fragrance of flowers filling the room?
Fantastic food that everyone will remember long after the big day?
Those key words are your priority items, and they will help you stay focused on where to allocate your budget for a day that’s really meaningful to each of you. There’s a reason I suggested you go to separate places. Sometimes one person has a much clearer idea of what they want, and the other person will go along because it’s easier, or they haven’t thought about the details as much. Your wedding day is a combination of the two of you, and both voices need to be heard.
Now, sit down and read each other your vision for your wedding day. They might be similar or they might be on opposite ends of the wedding planning spectrum. No judgement here, just listen with an open mind. Go over those 3 items each of you has circled. Here’s where you work on combining those priority items. I know, it can be tough. But you haven’t gotten this far in your relationship without some compromise, right? And incorporating ideas from both of you makes your wedding uniquely yours as a couple. You might not think your two versions will mesh, but I’m sure you’ll find a way.
Step 2
Let’s talk about the elephant in the room. The budget. Yes, I said it. You’re probably thinking that’s so unromantic! But here’s the thing, your wedding should be perfect. Within reason. Within reason means within your budget. It shouldn’t put you in debt for the next three years, paying high credit card interest charges and not making a dent in the balance. Trust me, paying off a $30,000 wedding is not romantic either. It puts a lot of strain on a relationship. It keeps you from reaching the other goals you have as a couple (travel, buying a home, etc.). So sit down together and talk about it. Figure out how much you really have to spend on this wedding. Do you have a wedding savings account? If not, now is the time to set it up. How much can you put aside each month? Set up those automatic transfers from your chequing account to the wedding savings account.
Layout a timeline of what will need to be paid when. For example, ceremony and reception sites require a deposit, so does the purchase of a wedding gown, florists and photographers too. Those deposits don’t all have to be paid the same month, but your ceremony and reception sites are ones you should book first, as they fill up fast and so much revolves around where you’ll get married (How many people can it hold? How much decoration will it need? What time will the wedding be?). You’ll be making those decisions and signing those contracts over the course of your wedding planning.
Talk to your parents, and find out if they were planning to contribute financially to the wedding. And let’s be clear here, you need to know specifics. When one of your parents says they’ll pay for the flowers, you’ll need to ask the question, “What do you think we should spend on flowers?” Most people don’t order flowers often, and ordering a get well arrangement for $75 is much different than what you’ll order for a wedding (bouquets, boutonnieres, corsages, ceremony and reception arrangements, the list is long). Floral expenses can easily hit thousands of dollars, when they might have expected to spend hundreds. It will add up very quickly so you need to clearly understand what they consider reasonable, and respect it. Keep your parents in the loop of what funds you’ll need and when, to avoid surprises. This will avoid confusion and hard feelings as planning continues. Set up a spreadsheet. I know, so unromantic. But it’s easy to forget about expenses, and those forgotten expenses can quickly get out of control. As you list each category, create three columns, one for what you budgeted, one for what you actually spent and one for the difference. This will help you see that if you spent too much in one category, you’ll need to scale back in another. Color code the most important categories (the three items you each circled when you envisioned your wedding day).
Step 3
Once you have your combined vision, decide on a date and where it’s going to be. Making a decision about the when and where are the first priorities in wedding planning. Type of clothing, decoration needed, number of people to invite, they all hinge on these two important decisions. This is your framework. Stick to it and your day will be perfectly yours.